Horrible Poet

Image

Hipster.jpg

Encounter Conditions

Only when not Etheric.
Only without Survey of Modern Poetry equipped.
Only if not unlocked the Punk Bomber.
Only if not murdered him below.

Initial Text

You make your way around the quad and slowly notice a droning voice. A man seems to be following you, reading poetry.

You're not sure why he started, but he seems dead set on finishing.

Summary of Choices

  1. Ignore him - Get 1 bad poetry and 2 XP in Will
  2. Respond with worse - If you have bad poetry equipped, exchange it for satirical poetry
    If you have satirical poetry equipped, gain 3 XP in Will
    Otherwise, gain 1 XP in Will
  3. Pretend to be an old friend - (Only if you know his name from his friend in Open Computer Lab or the Student Selling Books) - Gain 3-5 Will
  4. Psychoanalyze him - Poetry skills???!? … no (after great revelation from Survey of Modern Poetry), and removes him for the remainder of the day.
  5. Talk Halloween - (Only during Halloween 2010, Halloween 2011, or Halloween 2012)
  6. Murder him (evil) - Fight hipster; if you defeat him, kill him permanently (removes encounter), unlock Midgard Security combat in The Quad and the Scared Hipster hipster in the Open Computer Lab
  7. Run away! - Gain 1 XP in Strength and 1 XP in Reflexes

Choice Text and Results

Ignore him

You stare at him, slowly letting your consciousness ebb away. You eventually realize he's gone, although you never noticed him leave.

He left you with some poetry, though. Apparently that's the best reception he's gotten in a while.

You found: bad poetry

You've earned 2 XP in Will

Respond with worse

(With bad poetry equipped: )

You respond to him in verse from the sheet of equally awful poetry you've been carrying. A small crowd of gawkers gathers.

A few minutes into the exchange, he suddenly realizes you've been mocking him. He leaves in a huff, but you feel way better.

And, hey, you know what this poetry is for now!

You upgraded your equipped offhand to satirical poetry.

You've earned 3 XP in Will

(And, if you have jotted notes from a Blog with overwrought poetry:)

And, hey, you know what this poetry is for now!

Those notes you jotted on here from the Net really came in handy! He never stood a chance.

You upgraded your equipped offhand to satirical poetry.

(With satirical poetry or vicious poetry equipped:)

You respond to him in verse from the sheet of equally awful poetry you've been carrying. A small crowd of gawkers gathers.

A few minutes into the exchange, he suddenly realizes you've been mocking him. He leaves in a huff, but you feel way better.

(Plus, If you've jotted down notes a few times?)

You're not sure you'll ever tire of taking him down a notch like this.

(Or, with vicious poetry if you haven't jotted notes at all?)

If he wasn't running around bugging everyone, you'd almost feel bad for the horrible mockery you were lobbing back at him.

(And, if you have enough (5? 8? thereabouts) jotted notes from a Blog with overwrought poetry, with satirical poetry equipped:)

Those notes you jotted on here from the Net really came in handy! He never stood a chance.

You upgraded your equipped offhand to vicious poetry.

(And then:)

You've earned 3 XP in Will

(With programmatic poetry equipped:)

You respond to him in verse from the sheet of equally awful poetry you've been carrying. A small crowd of gawkers gathers.

A few minutes into the exchange, he suddenly realizes you've been mocking him. He leaves in a huff, but you feel way better.

Man, looping through his poetry ahead of him, cutting him off at every juncture. That was great. And you were definitely right about where his poetry came from.

You've earned 3-4 XP in Will

The next time:

You respond to him in verse from the sheet of equally awful poetry you've been carrying. A small crowd of gawkers gathers.

A few minutes into the exchange, he suddenly realizes you've been mocking him. He leaves in a huff, but you feel way better.

You get the feeling that you're able to loop through this stuff faster than he is.

You've earned 3-4 XP in Will

(Otherwise:)

You do your best to outdo him with even worse poetry. Eventually you even resort to limericks and childhood rhymes.

You gather a small crowd, which only seems to encourage him to new depths of verbose pontification. Eventually, he wanders off with a smug grin on his face.

Damn it.

You've earned 1 XP in Will

Pretend to be an old friend

You run up and clasp his hand. "Dave, old buddy!"

He clues in pretty quickly and you loudly spin elaborate tales of your times together, to the confusion and amusement of bystanders. Eventually you wander off, feeling especially refreshed and amused.

You've earned 3 XP in Will

(Or, first time in a reset:)

You walk up to him and clasp his hand. "Dave, old buddy! It's so great to see you!"

The poet seems stunned. You keep up the act, pretending at first to have known him forever, then being insulted when he doesn't remember you.

Eventually you storm off, leaving him standing there dumbfounded. That felt great.
You've earned 5 XP in Will

Psychoanalyze him

You psychoanalyze him right there on the Quad, drawing an increasingly interested group of onlookers. A few whisper that they love this new performance piece.

It's an interesting exercise, proving you know him better than you do yourself. But, eventually you realize you know him better than you know yourself.

After that, you feel a bit disheartened. Ah well, at worst it was a good mental exercise… and you might have helped him with some of his obvious problems.



You've earned 6 XP in Perception

Talk Halloween

Murder him (evil (2))

You can't really say if there's more than one poet running around, but hopefully killing this guy will teach them all an important lesson.

Now, killing him in broad daylight is well outside the bounds of the social contract, but it definitely takes him by surprise. He drops a stack of poetry and tries to defend himself.

(Fight a Hipster - If you defeat him, unlock Midgard Security combat in The Quad and the Scared Hipster hipster in the Open Computer Lab, and kill him permanently.)

Run away!

When you break for it, he seems to chase after you for a while, reading along the way. Eventually, he realizes he's running, looks around sheepishly, and stops.

You've earned 1 XP in Reflexes

You've earned 1 XP in Strength

History

Prior to December 6th, 2016, the 'Crack skulls' option was updated to 'Murder him' and resulted in:

You take him by surprise. He drops a stack of poetry and tries to defend himself.

(Fight a Hipster - If you defeat him, kill him permanently (removes encounter), unlock Midgard Security combat in The Quad and the Scared Hipster hipster in the Open Computer Lab.)

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